It's been a strange week. Full moon at the weekend, changeable weather, and very changeable emotions. I've felt really low and overwhelmed for most of the week, and things are just feeling a bit more positive. Except that I keep coming back to dwell on the angst that has spread across the GP forum this week, it's just so sad that even there, people don't seem able to co-exist without bickering/competing/causing offence or feeling offended.
It's made me re-evaluate my own perspectives, for the millionth time, and conclude that I have been slipping a little but that that's ok, I know what I'm working towards, I've made massive changes and I am taking it seriously and making the best effort I can at most given moments. I hope that'll become ALL moments, but I'm being gentle with myself just now so most is ok.
I've gained so much from the GP magazine and forum, and I've always hoped it'd stay calm and respectful - everytime I see an advert for it I worry that if it gets too big, it'll lose its loveliness - how selfish is that?!
And I'm aware I'm spending too long on the pc. I need to focus on real stuff and I'm going to cut right back on it. That's been really helpful in the past and I think it'll be useful for a while now. I'm going to spend my online time on blogs and be very mindful of the amount of time I spend on GP - I do have some real queries I've been meaning to post for ages and won't be staying away completely but just want to take a step back until the current climate resolves itself. I think above all, this week has highlighted to me that I want to be a respectful, green and natural parent (I think I shouldn't use the AP term anymore - I thought it described my parenting fairly well but maybe it's not as broad a term as I thought it was) but that I never, ever want to lose touch with reality as the perspective it has given me has been incredible. Yes, now I am living a wonderful, happy and idealistic life with my husband and children, but just four years ago, I was a single parent struggling to deal with the legacy left by domestic violence and alcoholism. It was real people, colleagues and clients in the job which was my personal refuge, with their convictions, heroin addictions, broken dreams and brutal lives that got me through that time and gave me the experiences I needed to become the person I like today. However much I've changed already, and however much I still have to change, I never want to move far enough away from that place to forget that the whole world will not be rosy without a lot of change. I can be my own change, but I can only work towards change for the world as a whole if I am connected to everyone else, wherever and whoever they are.
And that sounds all airy fairy and crappy which is not how I mean it at all but I have to go out now so will edit it later.
Very Happy Days
9 years ago
5 comments:
I know exactly what you mean about the GP forum. I think it's sad that some people have felt the need to leave. It always happens with parenting issues though, meantion you do things differently or think in a different way and people always think you're criticising their parenting style or calling them a bad parent.
It gets on my nerves. We're all just trying to do the best with can with the circumstances that we live in. I think in future I'll be a bit more selective on the threads that I choose to contribute to.
Don't go editing, it was lovely and came from your heart. xx
Thank you, both. I won't edit it now as I really value your comments and feel it's been moved on from now, anyway. Thank you for reading my ramblings :)
Hello Claire,
I followed you here from the GP forum :-) . Two pages a week is nothing to turn up your nose at when you've got two little ones! And they are such beautiful little ones. Anyway, just wanted to say I'll be cheering you on from afar -- I know what you mean when you say you've already let everything go that can be let go as far as the house etc. goes. I feel like that most days and I don't even have the babies yet! But slow and steady adds up eventually, with writing as with parenting.
-- Preeta
Ah, this was an exceptional week though - it's normally more like two words, lol! Thank you for being so supportive - I've been through stages of really pushing myself to write but right now there's so much else going on that I just can't do anything creative that requires serious mental commitment - I can't reach my 'writing headspace' when I'm knee deep in nappies, school work, etc - so writing on here is as close as I get unless ds has a particularly long sleep while I'm feeling inspired!
Claire xx
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