Our Christmas Day!

Christmas at our house felt very civilised this year - Chloe came in at 7am and woke Finn up! Last year we had a collective 3 hours sleep between us all, so this year was a very pleasant surprise! The children opened their stockings in bed - Finn got the hang of opening presents quite quickly! And then we came downstairs and allowed them to open a present each before breakfast - which was necessary because Chloe's main present was a huge bike, which was rather obvious, despite my fabulous wrapping!

We had a lovely breakfast together and then Phil's dad, stepmum and two sisters arrived and had mulled wine (Phil's Christmas speciality!) and more presents with us. It was lovely but Finn was exhausted and went to bed when they left, to recharge before Phil's mum, stepdad and grandma arrived for round two (or three, or four...?).

We had a delicious Christmas dinner, if I do say so myself! We had a mushroom and nut wellington ring:
And a stuffed Salmon - look away now if you don't eat fish! This is before it was cooked, but I was really pleased with it - it was much easier than I expected but still felt fairly ambitious!

Followed by a huge array of desserts, of which the roulade fell apart and the trifle had one bite taken from it, lol! A tired and full girl shows how big the trifle really was...! And a tired little boy in a Christmas hat provides a musical interlude:

And that's that! I took the children for a very short walk in the dark because we hadn't been out all day and Finn waved "hello moon" all the way, until we got home and said "night night moon" instead. We were all tired out, but had a really great day and then went up to spend a few days with my parents on the 27th. Happy Christmas to everyone!

Our crafty Christmas presents!

Wow, Christmas is over! That was a marathon, trying to get everything finished and wrapped in time. I've learned lots about planning, organisation and my own ability to cope (or not) under pressure, but I was really pleased with the presents we ended up giving. We had lots of false starts and some ideas we thought were going to be great ended up not quite making it under the tree, but all's well that ends well-ish. So I wanted to post some pics here to remind me of what we (finally!) achieved.

This is a technique we learned at the Art Cafe in Exeter. Decoupage - sticking teeny bits of pretty paper onto boring things to make them into pretty things! We bought plain hardback sketchbooks in a discount shop and decorated them and added 'Journal' or 'Sketchbook' labels cut from magazine letters. They actually looked really nice and were very simple, Chloe did this one herself - although it took many sittings to get it finished as she has a very short attention span at the moment, lol!

This was a necklace experiment! I wanted to see if I could make one of these necklaces with the crystal in a wire cage, so I played with some thick wire, and was delighted that this only took 15 minutes!! I made another one and they were some of the best received presents of all, and definitely the quickest to make!
An ideal grandparent present - we painted two charity shop frames with white acrylic paint, embroidered a sickly quote (well, grandparents love them, lol) and added a photo of some beautiful children...

An embroidered bag, which we filled with a pre-loved unicorn toy and a fairtrade game - this was the only thing we spent money on at Christmas apart from some photo frames (excluding presents to our children)!

Chutney, for the dads - mine, dh's and dh's stepdad. They were all delighted with their baskets, containing a jar of chutney, a jar of caramelised onion chutney and a bag of truffles. I forgot to take photos of the finished baskets, which was silly because they looked really nice and I was so proud of them!

We played with lovely smelling ingredients and created these gorgeous potions, all made from recipes in the 'Grow Your Own Drugs' book. We made bath oil, bath salts, lipbalm and bath bombs - and we didn't include the soap we attempted because it went a hideous green colour and is still not set, two weeks later -not sure what happened there!
All wrapped up and ready to give. We were really pleased that none of the people who received these realised they were homemade until we told them!
And probably our best received present of all this year... we made this collage for my brother, embroidering little squares for two of the spaces. He's at uni and spends his holidays in America with his girlfriend so only sees us a few times a year but rings all the time and adores his niece and nephew. We were thrilled that all our presents went down well, but I think this was the only one that actually produced tears...!
All in all, I really enjoyed the challenge of making Christmas presents for everyone, and will definitely do it again. BUT I nearly killed myself trying to get everything done at the last minute and the Christmas Eve dash to buy photo frames which had suddenly become vital will definitely not be repeated! I developed a stress-induced coldsore on Christmas Day and Boxing Day was a horrendous panic trying to make truffles and fudge for the relatives we were visiting next. Next year, we won't be giving anything with such a short shelf life (long-life recipes would be very much appreciated...) and I'll be starting in about February, rather than December! The children ended up without any homemade gifts so I need to finish the trousers and MP3 player case before I start planning for next year though ;-)

Stupid things happen in threes...

So maybe I can work out how many more we're due this weekend to stop myself from going insane!

This week, we got locked out, had no sleep and Phil has been in a horrendous mood since Friday morning. He's having a lie-in now so perhaps that'll help.

Yesterday I went to a horrid supermarket to get all our christmas preparation ingredients. Finn refused to go to bed and just clung to me like a koala for two and a half hours so I was still making the red onion marmalade at 11pm last night - but it's absolutely gorgeous so that's a good thing!

This morning I had to get up with Finn at 6am, although I'd expected him to sleep a little later as he ended up not falling asleep til 8.30pm and woke hourly for nightfeeds. So I was really proud of myself for wanting to get on and not waste that time. Pride comes before several falls, apparently... Chloe joined us (despite also having a late night - I predict her mood will be in decline by about 9.30am) and we decided to make the chocolate roulade to freeze for Christmas Day. As I mentioned, I bought all the ingredients yesterday. Except we didn't read the recipe properly and when Chloe had broken six eggs beautifully into the bowl with the sugar, not a trace of shell in sight, we realised the eggs needed separating and we only wanted the yolks for that bit. Which obviously meant the whole lot was useless for the roulade, and because I'd bought only the ingredients we needed (of course, who'd be so stupid as not to read a recipe properly?), we didn't have anymore eggs or sugar. And it's sunday, so the shops don't open til ten. So the melted chocolate will be hard again by the time we get to that stage again.

So, I took a calming down break. Which was interrupted by the cat doing an enormous poo, so the calming down break became a clean out the cat tray break. Not quite as relaxing, somehow. And then Finn poured a glass of water over the computer keyboard. Which was annoying but doesn't seem to have caused any permanent damage. So we gave up for a bit and had some more breakfast, then decided to make three sponges with the useless roulade mix, two to make a sandwich cake for my next training weekend, and one for our christmas trifle. So that was good. Until we came to put the mixture in the tins and realised the marg was still sitting in the scales. So we mixed it all again, and finally got the cakes into the oven. When Finn again sensed I was on the verge of feeling calm and filled the biggest nappy ever. And Chloe wanted to have an argument about unsuitable tv programmes. And the cat escaped and raced upstairs miaowing - although Phil seems to have slept through that too.

And there we are. The last of the sponges is cooking now, the children have both had breakfast, Phil has had a long lie-in (I know, a student would find that hilarious but 9am is a HUGE treat here!) and we may have time to dash to the shop before Chloe's riding lesson. This has been a ridiculous morning but we're all still standing, nothing has happened that isn't fixable, and I think I'm learning to cope a little better with stressful situations. A little. And I've lost count of how many things that was - definitely more than three. Can we get a break now?!

More photos :)

Although I can't actually find the ones I want, which are of some little baby toys I made recently I'll have to take some more of those! Anyway, this is a felted purse that I knitted, sewed together and then added a zip to. I've always been scared of zips (sewing them, not just zipping them, lol!), so it was a good challenge. It's a bit wonky, but I'm pleased with it anyway!

And some saltdough hearts I was really pleased with until they went soggy! Everytime we make saltdough, the things look gorgeous but then go soft. This time I thought we'd cracked it by painting them quicker, but we made these and some beautiful Christmassy star shapes for Finn's little friends, and they were soggy within a few days. I think my recipe must be wrong, it's from a craft book but says 2 cups flour to 1 cup salt - the kid's cookbook says 1 cup flour to 1 salt, so I'm going to try that next time.

And a picture of my lovely littlies - Chloe's got Victorian week at school this week so they've all dressed up for the week and rotated to do different activities with each teacher - yesterday was making scones, today is printing. And Finn at his favourite toy - he adores the piano and is already starting to pick out notes rather than just bashing at it. He's always singing and often drags one of the guitars onto his lap and sings along to his strumming. He's very musical already so I'm interested to see how much he'll teach himself just having the instruments around and copying daddy!

And I think Finn's about to wake up and the kitten is driving me insane by dive-bombing my fingers as I type so that's it for now. It's so lovely to be back!!

Introducing our new member!

Well, here's our new girl:

Clover the kitten - she's a black tabby but you can't really see her gorgeous markings here. I'm getting used to the new camera!! I had a funny revelation today. My new camera (birthday present! Hooray!) arrived today and I instantly got excited about blogging again, and about crafting again! I've been doing little crafty bits but not felt really into it lately - partly because of the bugs we're all snivelling with again, but also I think because I couldn't share it. The crafting and the blogging has become a part of my social interaction and because I couldn't take or share photos of crafty things, I felt a bit left out and down about it! I feel bad, too, because I've been reading other people's blogs but not posting on mine. Taking but not giving. So I'm giving again now, and I hope I'll be able to find the time to keep it up properly again. It's all been really manic with my training, ill children and christmas planning, but I feel so much more grounded if I check in here and analyse myself for a while, lol!

So, here's some of the wrapping paper we sponge painted today - we had tonnes of this paper from a delivery and I'd been waiting for a good day to start decorating it, so Chloe was off school with a heavy cold and today was the day. We did about ten sheets the size of this and we've only done half of the paper we've got, but it was great fun. Finn loved playing with the sponges but went for a nap after doing a little bit, which was lovely as Chloe and I got to spend an hour and a half playing with paint :)

So it's great to be back, I'll share more asap :)

Back down to earth...

Lol, well we've been back on earth for a while but I haven't had time to write about it since the children and Phil have been taking it in turns to have flu and colds and various other bugs. I'm actually dreaming of being ill enough myself to justify staying in bed and having a break!

It's frustrating me because I started writing last week - when Finn was asleep I got inspired and did some crafting and some writing, and I planned to make it a regular thing and to really get somewhere with it. The next day Chloe was off school ill and so my resolve lasted for a day!

Still, exciting things are happening anyway. We decided against the Mill, for practical and massive financial (!) reasons, and then Phil fell totally in love with another property, which again would have been a joint venture with his Grandma. I loved it too, but it didn't feel possible in the same way that the Mill had, and lo and behold, his Grandma hated it. It was really beautiful, so her dislike really showed us that she isn't ready to move or perhaps that it would be too big a step - so we're back to looking at things in our own budget (non-existent!) for just the four of us. I'm much happier with this as I didn't want us to lose our 'family' and it had become apparent that we were opening ourselves up to all sorts of emotional manipulation from all angles if we aimed for something so ambitious.

Anyway, Phil has an interview on Thursday, which is great for him as he'd been falling at that hurdle for a year as he doesn't have as much experience as many others going for similar jobs, but he has the skill and the talents to do a job like this and I'm so pleased he's through to this stage, even if this isn't the right job yet.

I'm so frustrated not having a camera at the moment - I've got so many things I want to share! I got loads of remnants of gorgeous fabrics at the shop recently and have been making baby toys and felted purses which I'm desperate to get some feedback on! My mum is coming later so maybe I'll borrow her camera and add some pictures here.

Anyway, I feel I've had a long break from this - being away from the computer has been good for me, but I love blogging as analysing what I'm doing and thinking seems to ground me, I find. I'm hoping that with the cycle of the moon that we're moving into, I might be able to create more wellness in our house, and a whole lot more positivity and connectedness. Hmm, big dreams :)

Joys and Concerns

Wow, what an exciting few days! I don't even dare to write too much about our current conversations in case we realise we've gone crazy and crash back to reality, but I can't not mention it, so here goes:

Joys:

We saw the most amazing mill/barn/plot yesterday and there might possibly be a chance of working out a way to buy it

Chloe went back to school on thursday fully prepared to hate it and start homeschooling, but she loved it and can't stop talking about how much fun she's having

Our families have all been just lovely this week

I'm meeting up with some lovely friends tomorrow :)

I've been strictly dairy-free again for a few days and I feel loads better already!

Concerns:

My sister and her partner are still very shaken and I still can't quite believe it :(

Chloe is still having meltdowns - although much less aggressive in the last couple of days

Finn's sleep is very disturbed at the moment, although the no-cry sleep solution seems to be helping a little

We may have gone crazy even considering taking a second look at the mill

My friend is really struggling with her depression atm and her crazy dog is complicating things

So today it's all about trusting the universe, for me. I feel a little removed from reality, which might be a reaction to severe sleep deprivation - I'd hate to make an irreversable decision and then realise I'd only agreed because my proper brain function had been suspended due to having no sleep for eight years, lol!

I'm going to do a proper post soon, I have lots I'm really keen to write about but just trying to juggle a lot at the moment so these quick posts just feel like touching base. I feel like we got a lot done this weekend though, including a beautiful collage of our gorgeous children! I hadn't done a photo collage since Finn was born but we love having photos up and apparently it improves a child's confidence if there are photos of them on the walls of their home - which makes sense, and is good news for me because I love photos!! This picture is at the centre of the one I finished today:

And our camera is being repaired, so I can't add any more relevant ones! Proper post coming up soon...

Joys and Concerns

Well, I've been trying to find a spare moment to post here for ages, and tonight's the night! My baby brother (who is not a baby at all) has just got back from America, where he's just spent his summer, and has come to visit but is currently asleep on the sofa beside me. Phil is upstairs with swine flu (which he wishes he'd waited until next week to catch as this is the last week of his holidays) and the children are - for a short while, at least - both asleep! So, not to push my luck or induce guilt that I'm not using this time to work, I'm going to get on with my current joys and concerns.

Joys:
We've done some lovely things this summer
I feel very blessed to have such a wonderful family
My doula training course is already proving an incredible experience and we've barely started
I have read a lot lately
I've done some writing recently
I had a little time to do some crafty things this week
We visited my Grandparents this week and they are very well and happy
The No-Cry Sleep Solution is helping me feel more positive about our nighttime situation!

Concerns
My sister and her partner's best friend was found dead in his flat yesterday. He was 25. No words are enough.
Chloe is still unhappy and it terrifies me when I can't reach her.
I was expecting an all-clear from the hospital but have been called back for a further appointment, which is making me anxious.

None of the usual rubbish seems to matter much in light of my first concern. I only met him a few times. He epitomised 'live fast, die young'. Everyone is in shock right now and the utter devastation left behind him is vast - he was his parents' only child. I can't get them out of my head. Or my baby sister, who's partner is unpredictable and doesn't deal with emotions very productively. I just spoke to her and she sounds stunned and very, very wobbly. They don't even know what happened yet, it's just so very sad.

What a way to get back to posting. I guess I just needed to put this somewhere, and I'm sorry this isn't uplifting like the J&C thread usually is. Normal service will resume soon.

All singing, all dancing...

I am writing this to a background theme of the songs from Mamma Mia and two dizzy children, spinning around the lounge! It's a good way to relieve tension, we've discovered, and is a great way to energise us all and blow away the cobwebs.

So here are some photos of the fun we've been having. We've also had some bits which weren't fun but we didn't take photos of those as I thought it'd make a miserable post - maybe we'll do that one day when we're bored, lol!

This is the gorgeous meal Chloe cooked for us - she planned it and made it all by herself and it was delicious:

Vegetable Risotto and chocolate cake! We went to Phil's cousin's wedding last week - it was a really lovely family day and we were very proud to have such happy, smiling and funny children with us! They had a great time dancing with their aunties and finding frogs in the grounds of the reception venue - and Finn gave up during the meal and just took some time to chill out:

On his back is his relaxed pose, on his tummy is full-on tantrum sulk - already, and he's only 15 months!! He's got a few words now, 'bu-bye', 'nunnight', 'daddeee' and 'hiya' (usually with a pretend phone by his ear, lol) are the extent of his range but are very, very sweet!

We've just had a lovely week in Cornwall, in a cottage my parents rented for a fortnight - I'm sure they were more exhausted at the end of the holiday than the beginning but at least they had a peaceful week before we arrived! We were supposed to go to Wales to visit my grandparents this week, but I had mastitis at the weekend so have been recovering, and it's actually been lovely to have the time at home. I've done a lot of the work for the first module on my doula course, it's very intense and there's a lot of it, but it's going to be a wonderful experience and I can't wait for the first weekend.

A lovely tom cat has adopted us and we're waiting to see if anyone claims him but secretly hoping we can adopt him too! And we're off to Exmoor tomorrow, which will be lovely (but we need some sunshine as we're borrowing a caravan and want to play in the stream all week!) - got to pack now, lots of board games and a guitar for our evenings. Can't wait!

The fun begins!

It's the summer holidays! We've had a lovely weekend with my sister in her new house (she and her boyfriend got very lucky and are house-sitting a mansion for a few months!) and Chloe just fell in love with the place and had a ball. She helped them build a den in the attic room, set up a refreshments stall and sold us all slices of melon and brioche, made a bed in the garden, borrowed my sister's books and made a chart of all her crystals, slept in a room all on her own - at her own request, for the first time ever (and didn't even cry or come in to us when she fell out of bed in the night!) and just seemed more comfortable than she has done for a really, really long time. She'd been saying all afternoon that she loved the area as we drove through the pretty villages and shopped in Totnes, so it's made us think maybe we wouldn't be so evil to consider moving her away from the city she knows...

Anyway, we spent this afternoon on the beach, built sandheaps and paddled and generally had a great time, and then we were really naughty and had fish and chips when we got home! I didn't have the camera so my sister's going to send us her photos to add later.

So instead of interesting photos of the beach, this is the knitting needle roll I made for my mum this week! I've been trying to find a set of easy instructions since mother's day, but finally, the night before her birthday, I just got on and did it. I intended to use scraps but this fabric was too gorgeous to resist, and I love it. She was really pleased and it was very easy really - I'm going to make one for Phil's Grandma for Christmas too, and I wish I knew some more knitters as it's such a great present!

Joys and Concerns

This week has been particularly concerning so I haven't had time to do this until now!

Joys:

Chloe has finished school!
We're going to plan some flexi-schooling days for next terms
I'm feeling really excited about my doula training again after a while of feeling uncertain
I've made time to write twice this week!! (This is twice more than most weeks)
Phil is doing the first of a string of gigs tonight
We're going to visit my sister and her boyfriend in their new house tomorrow
I had a lovely week with Finn
I've mastered the mooncup!

Concerns:

I am still exhausted and need to catch up on some sleep
Chloe is really unhappy with her class for next year and very sad to be leaving her wonderful teacher
I didn't cope with the PMT as well as I'd hoped to, although only had one very bad day
Finn is developing an irritating habit of throwing things in the bin or breaking them, because he likes the frustrated reaction he gets...
We both want a lie-in in the morning and I'm not being as lovely as I should be about it.

Screaming baby, no time for quotes, love to all xx

Our wedding anniversary :)

This photo makes me smile. We were so lucky, July was like a monsoon month but I just knew it'd be a perfect day for our wedding - people kept mentioning umbrellas, I just knew we wouldn't need them - and on the 7th there wasn't a cloud in the sky all day long.

We didn't have long to plan our wedding, we loved the Barn and this was the only date they had free so we got some funny looks when looking for wedding dresses - one lady said someone had just ordered her dress for 2010 - this was in December 2006!! But it suited us not to dwell on the planning for long, we were moving house, decorating, working, I was doing training courses, my MA, trying for a baby -oh and we got burgled 2 months before the wedding too so it was all a bit manic! But I loved planning things together and it was our relaxation! We made CDs for each guest and had rustic devon food (fish pie, veg pie, sausages and mash) and Phil's band playing. My sister made our gorgeous cake and my mum learned calligraphy to write all the placenames. Phil's step-mum did the flowers and one of his sisters sang during the ceremony. It was lovely having all our families together and it really was an amazing day.

This is the moment that my gorgeous hippy, festival-going, van-dwelling sister realised that she looked like a real bridesmaid - we hadn't planned on this at all and she was surprised when she fell in love with a real bridesmaid's dress!

Walking up the aisle to 'The Rose' by Bette Midler. The lyrics to this song were just so perfect after all that had gone before us and brought us to each other and to this day:
And walking out to Madness' 'It Must Be Love' :) Then we escaped for a bit to walk around the gardens:
This was the first wedding cake my sister had ever made - now she's made loads but I still think ours is the most gorgeous ;)

And the evening - I only sang with the band for half a set but Phil was attached to the guitar for most of the night - I had to tear him away when our taxi arrived, and then he complained he hadn't had any wedding cake!!

And lastly, a photo of us with our beautiful bridesmaid, who deserved this day, and this daddy, so very much. She shone all day long, laughed and raced around in the flowers, and danced until she fell asleep on a bench at 10pm. A wonderful, amazing day.

The Rose - Bette Midler

Some say love, it is a river

that drowns the tender reed.

Some say love, it is a razor

that leaves your soul to bleed.

Some say love, it is a hunger,

an endless aching need.

I say love, it is a flower,

and you it's only seed.

It's the heart afraid of breaking

that never learns to dance.

It's the dream afraid of waking

that never takes the chance.

It's the one who won't be taken,

who cannot seem to give,

and the soul afraid of dying

that never learns to live.

When the night has been too lonely

and the road has been too long,

and you think that love is only

for the lucky and the strong,

just remember in the winter

far beneath the bitter snows

lies the seed that with the sun's love

in the spring becomes the rose.

Joys and Concerns

Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy?

...Water, water spirit spinning round my head

I'm so glad that I'm not dead...

Quotes from Quest, conflict workshop and heartsongs :)

Joys:

I have just spent one of the most exciting and relaxing weekends of my life with my lovely family, laughing, learning and taking time out

I feel more positive than I have done in a long time, especially about myself

I have learned a lot about ways I can move closer to the person I aim to be

It is our wedding anniversary tomorrow and I'm trying to appreciate Phil more - he deserves it!

Chloe and I had a lovely day with lots of love and no cross words, despite extreme tiredness

Finn and I had a really chilled out day today with lovely music, baking and lots of cuddles

I've been blessed to share the company of wonderful people this weekend and this afternoon

Phil has pictured our dream life (setting up a retreat centre) becoming a reality sooner than we'd hoped (within the next twenty years was the original goal...)

I feel positive that the negativity in the world is not hopeless, and that many people care.

Concerns:

I'm still a sleep-deprived zombie!

I wish I had more time to do the things I think are good for me (yoga, eat more good food etc)

I wish the world didn't revolve around money

I'm afraid this positivity will crumble in the face of PMT and I'll become a hideous banshee next week.

Get busy living or get busy dying

(Morgan Freeman in Shawshank Redemption)

Love and positive stuff to anyone reading, fingers crossed this calm, in-control me can fight that PMT off!!

We've just spent a wonderful weekend at Quest, the natural health show/festival in Devon. We haven't been before - and actually haven't braved camping since Finn's been born, so we were a little apprehensive, but it was brilliant :)
Themes for the weekend: Chloe looking beautiful and smiley, and Finn running away laughing!!

Chloe did a Reiki workshop, which meant I got to go along too - we had a great time! She was really taken with the whole place, loved the freedom of being able to go and buy her jacket potato on her own while we were in the music tent, spent hours browsing the crystal stalls and choosing a mood ring... Finn loved it too, but mostly because we were all so relaxed! He was thrilled with camping, loved the tent and loved running away from it too - he laughed when he woke up and realised we were still in a field!!

I did a fantastic workshop on working to overcome conflict which was truly a revelation to me. I learned a lot about how I deal with conflict, and I think/hope it's a good step along my path to self awareness - conflict is one of the things I'm aware I really struggle with, despite being a lot happier in my skin than ever before, and I've come to realise I'm quite passive-aggressive, which is horrid. I know where I want to be, and so far today at least, I've been there, so I'm proud of me for that!

We did a heart dance workshop and a drumming circle as well as some lovely meditation and some tempting browsing around the stalls... we had a great time and will hopefully return next year - and I'm hoping we'll go camping again in a couple of weeks!

Joys and Concerns

Fall seven times, stand up eight

Japanese proverb

Life is like a game of cards. The hand you are dealt is determinism; the way you play it is free will.

Jawaharlal Nehru, statesman (1889-1964)

This has been a tough week so I've picked these quotes to remind me that life is never fair, but our responses to the things that happen make all the difference.

Joys:
Phil and I seem more of a team
I've read a lot this week
We had a nice day yesterday with some of Phil's friends
My parents came and spent a lovely day with us on friday
We've booked to go to Quest next weekend and Chloe is excited about a reiki for kids workshop which I hope will help
We're all enjoying our family time

Concerns:
It's a stressful start to the week tomorrow, too many places to be and too little time
Finn's sleep seems to be getting worse
Chloe's behaviour is still extremely challenging
The world seems very unstable at the moment and it scares me :(

And I'm finishing with a song by one of the most wonderful performers I've ever seen, who I believe was as screwed up as they come but had an incredible gift. Yes, I'm an 80s child!

"Smile"

Smile, though your heart is aching

Smile, even though it's breaking

When there are clouds in the sky

You'll get by...

If you smile

With your fear and sorrow

Smile and maybe tomorrow

You'll find that life is still worthwhile

If you just...

Light up your face with gladness

Hide every trace of sadness

Although a tear may be ever so near

That's the time you must keep on trying

Smile, what's the use of crying

You'll find that life is still worthwhile

If you just...

Smile, though your heart is aching

Smile, even though it's breaking

When there are clouds in the sky

You'll get by...

If you smile

Through your fear and sorrow

Smile and maybe tomorrow

You'll find that life is still worthwhile

If you just smile...

That's the time you must keep on trying

Smile, what's the use of crying

You'll find that life is still worthwhile

If you just smile

Please share if you feel inclined :-) And if not, have a wonderful week anyway!

Joys and Concerns

I miss the Joys and Concerns thread on the GP forum a lot, it gave me a lovely focus for my week and helped me to put things in perspective. I'm trying to spend my online time more productively at the moment (and spend less time ignoring my family...) so I've decided to pinch the idea and use it in my blog - I'm going to try to do it on a sunday or monday, depending on when a free moment arises! If anyone is reading this and wants to add their joys and concerns, either in the comments or on their own blog, I'd love to share :)Surely there is something in the unruffled calm of nature that overawes our little anxieties and doubts; the sight of the deep-blue sky and the clustering stars above seems to impart a quiet to the mind.

Jonathan Edwards

Joys:

I have received wonderful support and advice from the GP ladies this week and feel much more positive about Chloe's behaviour and myself as a mother

We had a lovely weekend and I feel refreshed

We didn't argue yesterday!

My dad is recovering well after his operation

My sister is moving and feels really positive about it

My brother flew to America for the summer on tuesday and will have a brilliant time

Our garden is looking ok and producing wonderful fruits and flowers

Concerns:

I don't always cope well with Chloe's behaviour

Finn isn't sleeping well at all

I'm not sure if my health issues are due to lack of sleep or if something is actually really wrong

My friend may be moving away (this might be a good thing for her, I worry for her son and selfishly, for myself and Chloe!)

Ask yourself this question:

"Will this matter a year from now?"

Richard Carlson, writing in Don't Sweat the Small Stuff

And because it's my blog, I can use flippant songs as well as deep and touching quotes, lol:

Que Sera, Sera,

Whatever will be, will be

The future's not ours, to see

Que Sera, Sera

What will be, will be.

I never know if anyone's reading, but if you are, have a wonderful week :)

Celebrations!

Solstice celebrations and Father's Day :)

A happy daddy with two children who adore him and a lovely sunny picnic by the canal. And a moaning wife who sat buried in her book, identifying weeds. And finding elderflowers!! For this:

We've never made elderflower cordial before, although we drink it a lot and had it at our wedding, so we were stupidly excited that it smells like 'the real thing'!! So easy too, I hope it tastes as good as it smells.

And we tried sun paper, which Chloe was thrilled with. We made some pretty shapes and I forgot to take pictures, but we'll put them on our seasons display I think. And we made sun-shaped spelt bread, which we had for dinner. Before:

And after cooking:

And it was delicious! I've decided I haven't been kneading my bread long enough so made an extra effort and it tasted much lighter. We had spelt pasta with roast veg and pesto, and gooseberry crumble (from our garden!) and raspberries (also from our garden!!) for dessert. Our unfortunate policy of ignoring our garden because we have no time to do all the things we want to has actually worked and we've got loads of gorgeous fruit and plants. We felt guilty for neglecting it though, so all spent an hour after tea pulling weeds and sorting things. Well, three of us did - Finn just wandered around laughing at us all. It looks lovely now and I'm exhausted - Daddy's breakfast in bed didn't make itself! It was a really special day, I can't remember having a weekend so relaxing in a long time.

Our new toy and smiley moments...

To try to lift my 'want to run away to sea' mood, I thought I'd write a post about the happy things that've happened lately. Like this:
My two favourite boys with our wonderful new toy. Phil discovered he hadn't spent all of his inherited money when he was eighteen and we decided to be totally irresponsible and buy this instead of paying off a bill. We figured that we haven't calculated for the extra money and can manage without it, and that since both people who had told us they were giving us a piano as a wedding present never actually did (Phil's dad and his best friend - not the most reliable people in the world!!), it was about time we had one. Phil's old keyboard broke and Finn cried inconsolably when it didn't make a noise, so the delight on his face when this beautiful instrument came home with us was priceless. Chloe has fallen in love with it and was composing by numbers before I told her the names of the notes, so I hope we can afford for her to have lessons. She's never wanted to learn an instrument before so it'd be a lovely thing to do. Phil is in love with it too, and I think his musical may get written a whole lot quicker now...

We've fought a lot this week which is not like us at all, but it's so lovely seeing him so happy, lost in his music. I sometimes forget to tell him how much I adore him and I know he needs to hear it so I must make more effort. It's hard to be vulnerable though.

Mustn't drift off...positive things! Also, it was my darling girl's birthday. I was icing this until midnight the night before - I've never used a shaped cake tin before and I was pleased with the result - she was impressed too, and that's what counts!

Her request was for my parents to come for a sleepover, but since my dad is recovering from surgery after dislocating his shoulder skiing, my mum came with my brother and my sister and her boyfriend came for the day. My brother flew to America for the summer yesterday, so it was really special to have the time with him before he went. We went bowling and had pizza (it wouldn't have been my choice, but it wasn't my birthday, and it was a great day!) and then watched Dreamer (horsey film - new obsession there...) and my brother took her swimming the next morning. I haven't seen a nice photo of the two of us for ages, but I think I like this one:She's such a sweet and happy girl when she's surrounded by people who love her and things are going well. I just wish I could shake the worry that she's becoming more like I was as a child - I was so unhappy and I want her to know only good things - she's come through enough already.

This made me happy too. Since moving to our gorgeous house three years ago, I've missed the writing I'd painted on my walls at my old house. I think this came from the Joys and Concerns thread (which I miss terribly and may start doing on here) on the GP forum one week and I really loved it. It's in our hall now, and although I messed up the spacing on the first lines, I love it.And a picture of my funny, happy, smiling little man, and his rather gorgeous daddy to finish with...I'm very lucky and I must remember to count my blessings even on dark days.