Evie's Birth Story

It's taken much longer than I expected to get this written and then to remember to post it here! At last...

I had been having irregular, uncomfortable contractions for over a week, and had gone to bed on a couple of nights feeling that it was sure to happen that night and wondering whether to phone my mum, who was coming to be with Finn, to warn her that the birth was imminent. Each time, it turned out not to be imminent after all!

Contractions were also irregular throughout the night, so I was exhausted and feeling anxious about going more than fifteen days overdue as I knew the midwives would then put pressure on me to have a hospital birth and/or be induced. I was due to attend a screening appointment to check fluid levels and the baby’s heartbeat, and also to have the sweep I had been declining for a fortnight, on 15th October – fifteen days past my due date. I decided, however, to request the sweep on 14th, as I was so uncomfortable and felt that my anxiety would not be good for the baby. Contractions were irregular and mild all day, but when the midwife left after doing the sweep, they immediately became painful and more effective.

I then had a couple more hours of moderate contractions before I had to start breathing through them, but by 8pm, four hours after the sweep, I was asking Phil to press on my lower back and breathing through contractions. My baby had been posterior throughout my pregnancy, but I assume had turned just prior to labour as things moved very quickly once it got started. This was the most ‘textbook’ of my three labours as contractions developed into a pattern and gradually became stronger.

I took Chloe (9) up to bed but didn’t tell her I was actually in labour – she just thought I had backache. I knew we’d be waking her up soon, but wanted her to get a little sleep first – I didn’t realise how little it would be! During the next hour, I lit the candles on my birth altar, which Chloe and I had set up a few days earlier. I’d planned to decorate it during labour, but had got impatient – luckily, as I’m not sure I’d have had time! During contractions, Phil pressed on my back and I breathed through contractions, chanting through a couple but not feeling that it was necessary this time, although it was my lifeline during Finn’s birth!

The biggest difference for me in this labour was that I welcomed each contraction and spoke to my baby throughout. I hadn’t really done this with the other children until right at the end of each labour, and I know that my fear of the pain had prolonged each birth. I began speaking to my baby straight away this time, telling the baby I thought she was a girl and asking her to work with me so that we could meet each other. I hadn’t dared admit that I thought I was having a girl throughout my pregnancy in case I was wrong (I knew that Chloe desperately wanted a sister but we would all have been equally delighted with a boy!) but suddenly in labour, I couldn’t stop telling people – including the bemused midwife – I think it was the only thing I said to her! So I focused on the candles and took homeopathic remedies for the pain in my back, and waited for the birth pool to be filled.

I had phoned my mum at about 8pm and she was driving down to stay with us so she could look after Finn if he woke up. Phil rang our friend and doula, Alexandra, at about 9pm, when it became clear that the baby would definitely arrive that night, so she was also on her way. Phil was busy filling the pool, and worrying that it wouldn’t be ready, and he phoned the midwives at about 9.30pm. My midwife had warned me that they might try to persuade us to go into hospital so I wasn’t surprised when they said they couldn’t send anyone. Phil was very calm and I heard him tell them “no, coming in isn’t an option for us. She’s going to have this baby very soon.” And lo and behold, two midwives were suddenly unearthed – both appeared within the hour, and both said after the birth that they were delighted to have been called out for such a wonderful birth experience, so I didn’t feel too guilty for disturbing their sleep!

By the time my mum arrived, about 10pm, I was in the birth pool, breathing through contractions and talking to the baby throughout. I had even remembered to put on the music Alexandra had lent us for the birth – Bliss, A Hundred Thousand Angels – the most beautiful album I’ve ever heard and just perfect to welcome a baby into the world. When Alexandra arrived, we had just woken Chloe up and she was delighted to see her. They had planned to bake the baby a birthday cake if labour was slow, but it was clear that there wouldn’t be time for that! It was really uplifting when Alexandra arrived and told me how wonderfully I was doing – I think this, and Phil being so present and connected throughout, helped me not to lose my perspective this time as I had done during my previous births. The whole thing was so much more bearable and it felt like a privilege throughout, as I was so focused on my baby and on staying in the moment.

When the midwives arrived, I was already feeling that I was almost moving into second stage and I wanted to use entenox for a short time to help ease the pain in my back. I found it very relaxing, as I had done in my previous births, and it gave me the same sense of clarity I had felt during Finn’s birth. The entenox ran out after about fifteen minutes, and the midwives explained that they didn’t think there was time to fetch more from the car. I was determined not to panic at this point, and afterwards I was pleased to feel that I’d experienced the actual birth without it. I felt the baby move down and could hear in my sounding that my body was beginning to push the baby out. I could feel the baby’s head and was telling the midwives how things were progressing between contractions. They had remained in the kitchen until this point and now were very respectful of our birth plan, only intervening to check the baby’s heartbeat now and then. At one point, the heartbeat dipped and I was slightly anxious until it picked up again, but this was momentary and I was able to regain my focus quickly. Chloe and Alexandra sat on the sofa encouraging me quietly and their presence was wonderfully reassuring.

I feel lucky to have had such an incredible sense of clarity at this point. I was aware that the head was moving back and forth, the feeling that had been so depressing during Chloe’s birth and the point at which I had pushed too soon during Finn’s birth. I tried to breathe slowly and allow my body to open naturally, but was surprised that this went on for what felt like quite a long time (almost ten minutes). On feeling the baby’s head to see if it had moved down, I could feel that there was a slight cervical lip left and that it was holding the baby’s head back. I breathed through a couple more contractions but it hadn’t moved so, while explaining to the midwives what I was doing, I pushed it back myself during the next contraction and immediately was able to feel the head move down and crown.

As the baby’s head emerged, I could feel the membranes still around the head – I think they probably broke as the head crowned, or only very slightly before that. The baby’s body was born with the next contraction, and I lifted the baby onto my chest, out of the water. I called out that we had had a girl, and Chloe came over to Phil and I and met her new baby sister.

Our midwives left the room at this point, asking Phil to just let them know if the water changed colour. I was very impressed by this, as I’d specifically asked for our third stage to be kept quiet, dark and private. Our new little girl began to breastfeed, latching on perfectly first time, and the placenta arrived less than fifteen minutes later. I had planned to get out of the pool to deliver the placenta, but felt a little shaky and wanted to stay where I was - unfortunately for Phil, who was on clean-up duty! I got out with the baby after the placenta arrived and Chloe went to tell my mum about the baby.

We snuggled on the sofa with the placenta draining in a colander and spent about an hour meeting our new daughter before she was weighed and the midwives left. We had explained that we intended to leave the placenta attached (and received the only raised eyebrow of the whole process!) and we thanked the midwives very much for their support. My mum came down to meet our new little girl and was delighted that we had chosen to name her Evie, after my mum’s mother Yvonne, who died twenty years ago but is still very much a part of our family. Alexandra left soon afterwards, having welcomed our new daughter and brought me some much needed tea and toast. Having her there was a truly fantastic experience – Phil commented several times on how supported he felt and how un-intrusive and gentle her presence was.

Phil began to empty the birth pool and Chloe was preparing to go back to bed when Finn woke up as he heard Evie crying. He came downstairs and met his new little sister and we gave him and Chloe their little presents from the baby. We filmed the moment of their meeting and it is lovely to see Finn so enchanted by this new member of his family, stroking and kissing her and commenting on how little and soft she is!

We all went up to bed after this, and actually managed to get some sleep! Evie settled into our family beautifully, and is a very peaceful and relaxed little girl. Her cord dried out almost completely within twenty-four hours and detached on the third day, much faster than the others had when their cords were cut. We kept the placenta unwrapped for about twelve hours, then salted it and wrapped it in a terry nappy, which we replaced twice each day. I was very impressed at how quickly Evie was ready to let her placenta go, and it was a real blessing to see Phil lift her up, once detached, and tell her “you’re one of us now, a real human” – it really made me appreciate the gentleness of lotus birth and the gradual process from ethereal to complete arrival on the earth. We planted a mulberry bush over the placenta and my note of thanks for each of my incredible children, and I’m hoping the bush will survive the winter!

I feel so privileged to have had such a wonderful birth experience. I knew I was lucky to have had relatively short and positive birth experiences with my other children, but this time I felt I had contributed to the way things progressed and I felt in control and relaxed throughout. I think that welcoming each contraction made the biggest difference to the way this labour progressed and I feel a connection and intuition with Evie that I haven’t experienced as strongly with my others as newborns. I can only describe the feeling of holding her at her birth as triumphant, after two weeks of exhausting waiting, I felt that I had been able to give her the birth she wanted.