I gave the children massages last night - mainly because I was feeling a little disconnected myself and hoped it would help us all to relax. Also, I've been taking Evie to a baby massage session for a couple of weeks and it's really reminded me that I used massage so often when the others were littler, but have let it drop as they've grown older - Finn is still just a baby so needs it a lot, and Chloe has always loved it as a brilliant way to connect and keep 'in touch', literally! So I felt I'd been a bit neglectful in that.

But, further to all that, I've realised recently that I still really love giving massage and doing bodywork - I did a short reflexology course when Chloe was little and I have always wanted to train in massage, and eventually reflexology, but have never felt I could afford to. I still can't but I'm honouring the fact that it's something I really want to do - passing whims don't last fifteen years - and that it would be well worth saving up for. So this is my serious commitment to myself, to work towards it. I realise I always seem to be training for something, and at the moment I'm not using any of my qualifications at all (well, I'm doing postnatal teaching/facilitating but can't do doula work until the littlies are bigger!) but I think this is something that would fit really well with my hopes for the future and my other flexible careers!

I've also admitted to myself recently that although I love all the things I do and feel very lucky to be able to be beginning a journey working with people I like being with, doing things I love doing and fitting it all in around my family, there is something missing. What I really, really want to do is write. I could wallpaper several towns with the discarded articles, stories, poems, books I've started but not finished, and I always blame 'time'. And actually, I don't have time to commit to being a real writer at the moment. But I know that I want to, and that I will be nurturing this desire and aiming to make it possible in the future - and that's a big admission for me!